-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gray Ghosts: April 2006

Saturday, April 29, 2006

PiTA Protest


Normaly, I am not one to complain...(shaddup.)
But I have had it with fancy schmancy bread.
I am going to start a revolution to bring back good old white bread. Fuck your 12 grain and fuck your harvest wheat. Let's bring back the standards. White, sourdough, rye, and plain old wheat. Have you seen the bread isle lately. It is mind boggling to say the least. I am pro-segregation...of the bread isle.

I kid. I love good bread. Sour sourdoughs and breads with cheeses, nuts and fruits in them. The more diverse the better...such as life. The whole bread thing was stupid. I just wanted to talk about PETA.

I got this video you oughtta watch. It is grainey and a teensy bit long, but eye opening. I always though good things about them. That they were on the up & up. I fish, I eat meat, I take prescription meds and benefit from medical research, so I don't fully agree with all of thier beliefs. I do believe in each individuals right to be, say, and think what they choose. So to each his own.


However when you become a hypocrite, thief or liar, (or just a plain asswipe) what you say looses all it's weight. It means nothing. *Poof* Like a fart in the wind. So it goes with PETA. I reccomend you watch the entire video. Then comment if you so choose. Penn & Teller's PETA episode on BULLSHIT!


In other news...I talked to the Big J.C. tonight. This is my favorite picture of him, he is quite the photo whore! I love his blog. So random and off beat. My kinda place! He is 100% unapologeticly Joel Conrad Bechtolt. He lives in my town and one day he is going to make me chicken enchiladas...I hope. Back in my prime we could have been bud buddies. I live vicariously through him. Anywho, he called me, to see if I was real. And I am. That was pretty much it. Like he says "It's not exactly rocket surgery". I find him very interesting. Someday we will meet for Bloody Mary's and I will bask in the smokey goodness of a glorious bong hit of Oregon chronic. Good Times Mi Amigo.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Keepin' it tight...

This is the new book I am reading.



This is a tree.



Any questions?



WTF?!

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Random Ramblings

Get ready...this post is gonna rock.



Not really, I just said that.
I got nothing for ya today. I woke up late, didn't get to go to The Mayors bar for lunch before my exercise regime. I had planned on taking nourishment before said torture test, but ended up running out the door with only a coffee. Said coffee did have Malibu rum flavoring in it, so it was semi-nutritious.



That was for Mayor...(cause she like's it rough and mullets too.)
Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, Cousin Matt made a scrumptious evening meal. Grilled marinated porkloin from Gartners (one of our butchers), sauted cabbage and shallots, homemade Mac & Chez, kalamata olive bread, grilled & seasoned shrimp skewer and strawberries for de-zert. Yes, I almost burst. He is a culinary wizard. Think Emeril meets Gandolf the Gray...but more Emirilish with a Jewfro.



That was for Tilla...(he likes the dark-meat.) :^0
So anywayz I got a call tonight from and unknown out of state number. I assumed it was that bitch Sallie Mae looking for a handout. Something about student loan...blah blah...your deferment is past due...blah blah blah. So I almost didn't answer. Thank goodness I did. It was Johnny Wright-Dog from Glacier MT.! I hadn't talked to him in 4EVER! He is an old buddy that used to work with Mayor as hotel clerks and I'd go up and we'd sit in the back office smoking pot and stinking up the joint while Mayor would help the occasional customer check in. Those were the good old days! He runs the KOA at Glacier National Park now, so if your in the neighborhood stop in and tell him DogMa sent ya! He'll hook you up with a free shower or something. I dunno what, but he's a pretty good guy, he'll think of something. Free coffee I dunno.



That was for Willie...(cause he will think it's funny.)
I watched Proof last night with Gwyneth Paltrow and Jake Gylenhaal. It was pretty good. Probably the best role she's ever played. If you like mental illness & math this movies for you. I personaly am deathly afraid of math. I panic when I have to leave a tip and figure out what 20% is. Seriously.



That one was for Nihilly cause he hasn't got one yet...(and he can appreciate nuts.)
WTF is Scientology? The more I hear about it the more freaked it get. Which I love by the way. I am going to google it after I post this. They believe some wack shit. I heard they think T.B. can be cured. Fucking tuberculosis. It sounds like a cult...I shall go investigate this further and inform you of my findings at a later date.



America's Sweetheart Scientologists...TomKat.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Tattoodles.

I got a high tolerance for alot of things.
Drugs like vicodin, darvocet and the like hardly phase me.
I tolerate children and assholes well too.
Unruly dogs at the dog park and even some republicans, but not most.
I also have a high tolerance for pain as well.

I've broken bones, burnt limbs to the 3rd degree, had major ass surgery (and by that I mean not major surgery, but major surgery on my ass.) I've had drain tubes in my lungs and I shaved a hole in my pinky finger nail once. Carpal tunnel, trigger finger, shingles, bleeding lungs, I've had them all...and tolerated them well I'd say.

Saturday night however I was reminded of why I was not going to get another tattoo...they hurt. Especially the big ones I always seem to pick out. I'm a sucker for a sweet tatt I guess and a sentimental fool to boot so when Hoo Ha said she'd get a matching tattoo I said what the heck. Let's do it! I took us a 5th of Brokers Gin and a 5th of Absolute Peppar, but WE DID IT! I kid, it did hurt, but not as bad as I thought it would. What really hurt was Fisher P. stepping on it last night. FUCK! I was all I could do to keep from punching her OUT! (I kid again.)

Here I am with The Sheriff, the proprietor of Fist City Tattoos:
For those about to get ink...We Salute You!



I call him The Sheriff because ultimatly he lays down the law! He let's The Mayor think she is the boss...but really he is! Shhh! He is the sweetest buttrocker however and my personal tattooist to boot! (8 O's in that sentance BTW...just saying.)Thank You Sheriff Jim!

We went to Fist City, where the Mayor lives, and designed a tattoo for us that had meaning and was special to us. Cousin Matt came with and so did Potpourri. Pope ( his nick name for his nick name) worked at the same burger joint as the Mayor and I when we were in high school. He is a sweet heart and I love him to pieces. He's got the hots for Hoo Ha and she for him. I wished they'd GET A ROOM! Oh and Hoo Ha by the way is my little sister, Mayor calls her Pirate, cause of her one eye and all...

Where was I? Oh yeah the tatt. So it means something to us. Originaly it was gonna be angel wings, but I found some butterfly wings I had to have! The body of the butterfly is an infinity symbol, NOT A FIGURE 8. So what does it mean? I guess it means "If I fly away, I'll still be with you, for infinity and forever". Kinda corny, but I love my sister and we know what it is like to lose a sibling. Anyway we like it and I don't give a flying fuck what people think!

Homework.

So I'm going to the nutritionist tomorrow after physical therapy. Here is the selected reading for the course...


I got a sweet tattoo last night from the Mayors old man. It only took 3, 32oz. bloodies to get through it! We had fun though. I'll post a big fat pic of it tomorrow, I gotta go write a freaking food diary...WTF.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

100 Things

I thought you oughtta know...
(Thank Nihilly!)

1 ~ I like cartoons. Not Anime, but Adult Swim & old school shit.
2 ~ I can't think about breaking teeth or ripping finger nails off. It is like nails on a chalkboard to me, which I can't stand either.
3 ~ I prefer adult cereal over kiddie cereal.
4 ~ I ALWAYS have a drink on me, with me, whatever.
5 ~ I miss smoking. Both.
6 ~ I am a good singer. I have been in Kareoke contests etc. but I am still embaressed everytime no matter how many people compliment me.
7 ~ I like to color in coloring books. It was my favorite pastime in the hospital.
8 ~ I watch Jeopardy and aspire to be on a game show. I am full of random useless facts and LOVE trivia.
9 ~ I have a green thumb and love flowers and gardening.
10 ~ I am addicted to Chapstick.
11 ~ Before bed I have to spray crap up my nose or I'm afraid I won't be able to breathe at night.
12 ~ My little sister lost her left eye, but you'd never know it her new one looks so good.
13 ~ My little brother drowned when he was 14 and I was 20 in a fishing accident.
14 ~ I like to play with fire.
15 ~ I hate gel toothpaste. It has to be paste.
16 ~ Sometimes I like to be alone.
17 ~ I'm not a good housekeeper.
18 ~ If you are nice I will give you the shirt off my back.
19 ~ I don't know how to take a compliment.
20 ~ I was bit by a brown recluse spider and got very sick. still have a hole in my leg from it. It never itched or hurt though.
21 ~ I like old country music like Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson and Loretta Lynn.
22 ~ I have a space between my 2 front teeth like Madonna or Sandra Burnhardt or Lauren Bacal. I used to hate it, but I learned to embrace it and now I like it. Plus I can spit further than you I bet.
23 ~ I was a spoiled kid, but I turned out OK.
24 ~ I wish I could speak Spanish. Just so I could know what they are saying about me.
25 ~ I love animals, especially dogs. Especially my dog.
26 ~ I like to watch the news. I hated it as a kid, but I am getting old I guess.
27 ~ I don't want to be sick anymore. I'm scared of dying.
28 ~ I have to have ice. No drink is complete without it.
29 ~ I like storms. Rain, thunder, wind, snow. I love it.
30 ~ I was a fort building fool as a kid. Treehouses, the works. I always had a fort.
31 ~ I am a Master Pumpkin Carver. I even have special tools. I love Halloween.
32 ~ My husband spoils me rotten. Showers me with love and gifts. He seems like a mean, tough guy...but he is such a softie. I am blessed.
33 ~ I don't like alot of make-up.
34 ~ I love going to the dentist. I don't mind fillings and the like.
35 ~ I play video games.
36 ~ Buying people gifts makes me so happy.
37 ~ I go to the coffee shack everyday, sometimes twice a day. They love me.
38 ~ I can eat, talk, or breathe. It's hard to manage all 3 at once.
39 ~ I like to fish.
40 ~ I have "clubbed" fingers. It is because of my oxygen issues. The Dr.'s just lov 'em!
41 ~ I did synthetic heroin once (in the hospital) and loved it. Asked for it all the time. Thank God they wouldn't give me too much.
42 ~ I had my senior pictures taken with a Coleman lantern. It was funny because I won the lantern and was known for it and my love for camping. It was a good picture.
43 ~ I have a freckle or something in the white part of my left eye.
44 ~ My cat is a terrorist. Her name is Sassy Bin Laden. Someties she is loving, but usualy she is a bitch ass cat from the depths of hell.
45 ~ I love The Iron Chef! (Food Network)
46 ~ I love CHERRIES! My cell, my luggage, air freshener in car, everything possible has cherries on it. I am even going to get a Cherry Tattoo! WooHoo!
47 ~ My backyard is my sanctuary. I love the summer and warm nights, picnics & BBQ's out back.
48 ~ I will never experience the joy of motherhood. It breaks my heart.
49 ~ My favorite board game is Scrabble. Then Trivial Pursuit.
50 ~ I took Woodshop in high school and rocked.
51 ~ I collect sea shells whenever I am at the beach. Last time I found a ships old float. Very cool.
52 ~ Japanese art is my fave. From food to gardens, even my tattoo is a Japanese Koi.
53 ~ I didn't go to prom, but I partied like a MoFo that night with my peeps!
54 ~ Twice I have been hit by sneaker waves at the ocean. Very scary, & painful.
55 ~ I have a picture of Christy from the Shire and I at the zoo in kindergarten. We have been freinds for almost 25 years.
56 ~ I'm allergic to Benzoyl Peroxide...Oxy zit cream.
57 ~ I went to my husbands soccer games his senior year in high school, but didn't know I'd marry him let alone who he was.
58 ~ I liked school. Not math so much, but History and English and especially Science. I went to college and then a vocational school.
59 ~ I am a certified Medical Assistant. I can draw blood, take a blood pressure, write chart notes and prescriptions etc. Basicly a Dr.'s right hand.
60 ~ My dad made me eat Squirrel once. It tasted like Chicken.
61 ~ I want birds. Chickens, ducks, peacocks, geese, or even a parrot. With my breathing issues I can't have any though.
62 ~ My mom, dad and step-mom all work at the same place and get along smashingly!
63 ~ My dog's AKC registered name is Fishermansangel. It is a tribute to my brother. I wish he would have had a guardian angel the last time he went fishing.
64 ~ I would never live anywhere else in the world. This place is perfect.
65 ~ I broke my arm riding my bike and walking my dog...at the same time. She saw a cat.
66 ~ I function extremely well under traumatic situations. Cool, calm and collected.
67 ~ I am a conisuer of cheese. I freaking love cheese.
68 ~ I have the last pair of PJ's my brother wore and his pillow case still in my closet. I was taking them to the search dogs to smell when they found him.
69 ~ I collect squished pennies, the kind you find in souviner shops imprinted with a design of some sort.
70 ~ My friends threw me a surprise party when I was 13 at my dads. I cried.
71 ~ I have sexy feet.
72 ~ I HATE eggs. I love quiche and french toast and fritattas...but not eggs.
73 ~ I saved a little boy from drowning at the lake when I was like 10. Then I saved my sister the same way soon after.
74 ~ I used to be a cleptomaniac as a kid. I can't tell you why.
75 ~ I have an uncle who is a giant. He is over 7ft. and 400lbs. and a sweet as pie!
76 ~ I have little ears. Not abnormaly small, just cute and tiny.
77 ~ I had fake ID when I was 19 so when I turned 21 I was burnt out on the bar scene.
78 ~ I used to have a goose that was so mean I couldn't go into the back yard without a stick. Fucking Louie...
79 ~ I was the only girl on the first baseball team I was ever on. I rocked.
80 ~ I love candles and playing with hot wax. Nothing kinky mind you.
81 ~ I don't like to wear my seatbelt, but I usualy do.
82 ~ I only have moles on my left forearm.
83 ~ I was obsessed with INXS as a teen.
84 ~ I am very ticklish on my feet.
85 ~ My favorite flowers are Dahlias, so many varieties.
86 ~ I BBQ almost everynight when the weather is right. I don't mean burgers & dogs. I do it up right.
87 ~ My favorite drink is a Bloody Mary (done right).
88 ~ I love the History channel, Discovery, TLC, A&E...fuck MTV.
89 ~ I HATE soaps and stupid shows like Charmed and Smallville...I call them bitch shows.
90 ~ I think my mom should be nominated for Sainthood. She is amazing.
91 ~ I need alot of sleep...like 10 hrs. Probably has something to do with being ill.
92 ~ I am a scrapbooker. I love pictures.
93 ~ I have stood on Lambeau Field in Green Bay Wisconsin.
94 ~ I sideswiped a tree in my dads truck when I was 13.
95 ~ I snore.
96 ~ My husband is the first person I ever really loved, and the only person that ever really loved me. Everybody else just sucked.
97 ~ I stuck my finger in an electrical outlet once.
98 ~ I nailed some dick in the head and knocked him into a Christmas tree because he called my friend a fat bitch. She was, but it wasn't for him to say.
99 ~ Sometimes I don't know when to STFU.
100 ~ I don't care about money or materalistic things. I just want to be happy and healthy. Money can't buy that.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

6 Randon FunFacts...


I was reading Mike's blog tonight and he was tagged. I myself have never been tagged. I'm just not interesting enough I suppose. Mike I think thought it was a little lame to be tagged, but I think I would find it flattering. Mike obliged his tagger with 6 random facts about himself. Since I did nothing interesting today excpet go to the dog park, I thought I'd pretend someone thought I was cool enough to tag! That said, here are 6 random facts about me you might find interesting, or odd, or probably both...

FunFact #1: I have lived in the same house my WHOLE LIFE. Except for that time I moved into the hospital for a month or so. Oh and the time I did in Club Fed, but that is a different story. ;^) I just never wanted to move out, my mom is way cool, rent is low, location is good, she takes good care of me and I take good care of her $ too!



FunFact #2: I have Rhumatoid Arthritis in my LUNGS. When I was 16 or so, The Mayor lived with me for a spell. We woke up for school one morning and I just hurt all over like a MoFo. Turns out I had Rhumatoid Arthritis. It effected my body, mostly my hands and feet. I had surgery on both my hands for it. Then one day in 03' it decided to attack my lungs. It is what caused my Pulmonary Fibrosis. So I guess you could say I have Rhumatoid Lung.

FunFact #3: My husband has never seen me naked. I'm a little modest. Shit, I don't wanna see myself naked, so why would I let anyone else see me nude? We've been together 8 years or so. Sure he's seen my ass and my tatas and my buisness, but never at the same time. I am a master of illusion.

FunFact #4: I LOVE COPS, the T.V. show. I am obsessed and must watch it every Saturday for the new episode. I think it's safe to say I've seen 97% of the shows. I watch Court T.V. every night to see the re-runs too. I also love the police video shows and greatest chases, stuff like that. I just love to watch the dumbasses get busted.

FunFact #5: Twice in my life I have depended on the kindness of others to wipe my ass and tend to my other basic daily needs. Once it was due to surgery I had on both hands at the same time for arthritis related issues. The other time was because my mom wouldn't let me got outside to play in the snow, so of course I went to kick her and I lost my balance and planted both hands on our wood stove. Our HOT wood stove. My bad. I deserved that one.

FunFact #6: My bedroom used to be black. The ceiling, everything, black. My stepdad had just moved out, he was domineering and I was rebelling I think. I had friends tag the walls with glow in the dark paint, I had black lights everywhere, trippy posters, the works. I did acid, shrooms and smoked alot of pot. I guess that was my inspiration. I also had a huge waterbed that aided in the illusion that you were on the moon or something. Sometimes I miss it. At least it was clean.

Bonus FunFact #7: I had a turtle named Claws for many years. He lived in a huge tank of water and rocks. He'd drag himself out to sun, make alot of banging noises at night, he was a good guy. Sadley I became interested in boys, and partying and forgot to clean his water enough. I think that is why he died. I murdered my turtle. I will probably go to hell for it.



That is me in a nutshell.
That was fun! Thanks for tagging me Mike!
I'm not tagging anyone, but if you wanna be tagged, feel free to go to town and post some random shit about yourself! I'd love to read it!

Monday, April 17, 2006

I need more COWBELL!!!


As you know I heart Saturday Nights.
I absolutly LOVE parodies, skits, silly bullshit and the like.
This is one of the best skits ever by probably the best host ever, Christopher Walkin! It's a VH1 Behind The Music parody. Sorta like an "E True Hollywood Story". Anywho. I got a fever, and there is only one prescription for it my babies! More Cowbell!

Behind The Music: Blue Oyster Cult (best SNL skit ever!)

Sunday, April 16, 2006

More Good News.

Seems I am just full of it these days!
I forgot to tell you about my trip up to Seahawk Nation. It went very well I must say! I thought I was going to get a big fat spankity spank from the good Dr. but it turns out he was pleased with my PFT's (pulmonary function tests) and my CAT scans that he all but overlooked my relapse! I had about 18 more lbs. to loose last time I saw him. This time I saw him I had about 40 more lbs. to loose...go figure? He doesn't want to see me for 6 months! I may have a new disease, I have new (different) cysts on my air bags that my indicate an additional disease. The prognosis is the same and the "treatment" is too, so why worry my pretty little head over it! I thought I was in for it. Turns out he is more pleased with the support group I found, the Nutritionist I am seeing and the Pulmonary Physical Therapist I am now seeing as well.

sidebar: I hope these people I am seeing do not find out about eachother...or that I am married. This could get ugly, all these people fighting over me.



Happy Easter!
I went to a FAT ASS buffet today with the Fam. Had one too many Mimosas (1) and had to take booze snooze when I got home...good times. I ate WAY too much, but it was our Lords day so I wrote it off as being a good Christian and all. Fuck my diet. Can I just tell you about the prime rib I had? It was perfect. So many times I get the PR at a buffet and it is overdone because of some pussies aversion to rare meat. Fucktards be screwing it up for those of us that know how to eat the proper cut of meat. Another highlight of my Easter Sunday was the fact that my new Coach purse is a lovely shade of Easter mint green and khaki, and it matches my Coach wallet. I have turned into a trendy snob, almost. Ask anyone if they ever thought they'd see the day where a name brand (or a purse for that matter) would bring a smile to my face. WTF has happened to me? I think I am getting old, or turning republican. NAH! I'd slit my fucking wrists first.

Do they celebrate Easter in Arizona? Why YES they do!


Where have you been Will?! I miss you! Comment you Bitch!

Git 'Er Done!

Went and saw Larry the Cable Guy at the Schnitz tonight. I know, your thinking WTF? I KNOW! But it was funny shit! It's like with George Carlin, you get offended, but you like it. Same thing with my blog sorta. My hubby bought me tickets. I don't know exactly what possesed him to think I was such a big fan, I accepted the gift greatfully none the less. I love Ron White, maybe that is what gave him the idea. So he was going to go, then mom was going to go, then Christy from The Shire was going to go but she got grounded. (Seems her mother didn't appreciate shelling out $500 on a plane ticket across country for her and her baby sasquatch Boo Radley, and only seeing them for 2 nights, go figure.) Cousin Matt ended up being my chaperone for the evening.

Here is a sampling of the people I paid to spend the evening with...


Just your average run of the mill redneck hillbillies from the out lying areas. I think most of these fools have never set foot in a hospital or a doctors office the way they were staring at a sister...HELLO, IT'S CALLED OXYGEN YOU DOUCHE. I've never had so much trouble getting around on my scooter either. They were too busy staring to get outta the way. Kinda bummed me out. I was telling my old man about it when I got home and he made me feel tons better. Gave me the whole don't stoop to their level pep talk when I told him of my fantasy where I bomb through the crowd with my new hair flying, rolling over toes and flipping the bird to any bitch that dares step in my path.

Anyway, here he is on Leno if you are at all interested.

Not much else going on. Went to Mayors house for a Tatt Party. Friend Christy from the Shire got a chain of Forget-Me-Nots around her ankle. Very cute. She is not a Hobbit, she is from New Hampshire, but it is funnier if I say The Shire. Hoo Ha (my sister) found a picture of the three stooges (Me, Christy from the Shire, The Mayor) It was so cool to see a pic of us from back in the day. What I wouldn't do to go back to this day, Good Times!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

I have something for you.


Take them, they are yours.
Entered the Torture Chamber today.
The Devils Lair. The Pit of Dispair. The Den of Blood, Sweat & Tears. The House of Horror...you get the point.

Physical Therapy. Bleh...kill me now.

I kid. I actually am excited. I love my therapist, I can't wait to meet the nutritionist. I feel like I am really going to make some progress. She tells me I will be breathing better in no time. It was a very pleasant meeting. Twice a week. My goal is to get so good there I can go to the big kids gym with The Mayor...'cept no tanning. I can do that when I go to Hell. I hear that is where I'm headed! HA!

Well dinner is ready. Rib eyes, corn on the cob, bacon cheese scalloped taters, blue cheese & tomato salads. I rock. I will try to make a better post later if'n I can!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

The butcher, the baker, the bloodymary maker.

Rub-A-Dub Dub bitches...
Today was pretty good I gotta say.
Took the van through the wash. Looks like new if you just don't look at the big fat scratch I put on the bumper when I backed into the neighbors 4Runner last Friday. Could be worse. Thats what I keep telling myself. Mike will see it for the 1st time tomorrow when I pick him up at the airport. So if you never hear from me again, you will at least know why.

Back to my day.
It was good.
But then again like this dude says:


So I went to the butcher and got some assorted meats. I heart my butcher. I want a shirt that says that. Bet I'd get a free pepperoni if I wore that in there. My old man eats out every night. (I wish.) When he is on the road he misses my cooking...just like me misses it when he is home. It don't happen often, but when it does, look out!

Then I went to the produce shack. It's a building I guess. It has low ceilings and is so cozy and comfy, I liken it to a shack. I bought my veggies. I also bought a bottle of sugar-free Malibu Rum flavored syrup for me coffee. I ground some cookies-N-cream coffee too. I love my coffee. I am an addict since I can't do any good drugs anymore. I also bought my grammy a pot of tulips.

Next I went to the liquor store. It seems for some reason I ran out of Peppar vodka. Go figure. SO I got me a new bottle. I also found something disturbing. Beefato juice. WTF? Yes. Tomato juice and beef broth for those extra hearty bloodymary's. I am intrigued, and a wee bit scared. I knew of clam juice and tomato juice hence the Clamato juice in a bloodyceasar drink. But this Beefato is going to take my bloodymary drinking to a whole new level I fear.

Since we are on the subject of tattoos...here is my pet Koi.



I'm pooped. Gotta get some sleep.
I hope to write you tomorrow...if I am still alive.
Kisses!

Monday, April 10, 2006

My Hero...



Can I just tell you about my hero Nihilly.
I tried to find an appropriate song to dedicate to him, Mariah Carey's Hero, Bette Midler's Wind Beneath my Wings, something along those lines...but I stumbled on this Bowie gem so that is what he gets. The Wallflowers remade it. I never knew it was a Bowie tune, duh. Remember The Wallflowers? Bob Dylans son? Hottie if I ever! Anywho, back to my hero.

He added some stuff and moved some stuff and showed me how to do it myself! I GET IT NOW! (I think.) I'm so tickled. I got some bugs to work out. Somehow all my comments got deleted. WTF! I know. So comment on this lame post so I can see if they are showing up. No idea how that happened...I cherish each and every comment and to see them disapear broke my heart. By the way, if you don't have a blog of your own, and you dropped by mine, say HI! Don't be a lurker! Click on the comment link and type an anonymous comment and sign, or don't sign your name!

Well, nothing exciting going on...I watched Memoirs of a Geisha. LOVED IT! Just finished The Ice Harvest, love John Cusak. Cute movie, a little slow, but not too bad. Should get some new NetFlix tomorrow. I keep 5 of 'em in rotation. King Kong, Capote & Brokeback coming soon to a TV near me. Went to the Mayors house to see her get her new tatts. They turned out awesome! One was a pinup gal in a martini glass and the other one was dedicated to me! It was...well, I'll just post a pic:



I LOVE IT!
Check out her Martini pin-up Gal and the cerejaestrela (cherry-star) on her arm! FistCityTattoos!

So I Got alot of crap to do tomorrow. Phone calls to make, take the furkid to the vet to get her nails did. Wash the car (not me mind you). Grocery shop, butcher & produce. I keep the little guy in buisness. I like my specialty markets. Takes extra time, but you do get the best. My old man comes home Tuesday, must prepare for his arrival. SO...I better go to bed.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Gemoirs of a Meisha...

No, it has nothing to do with the Lord of the Rings...
I do not speak Elvish.
I wish I did.

I made the worlds biggest and bestest Bloody Mary tonight for dinner.
Now The Mother Humpin' Mayor of Fist City makes a damn good BM. (Head outta the gutter fool.) I do get a bazillion olives and aspergrasses in my BM's she makes me, but that is how I roll when I am at her place...I got it like that. Back to the BM I made.

I used my green cup. Mayor and Cousin Matt will know what I mean by my green cup. I have had it for years. Infact, I found a picture of us, me and my cup, taken in 2000, 2001ish maybe, and there I am toodling around all healthy-like on my deck out back at a BBQ...I miss those days. I was running around barefoot with the little kids, hot tubbing with HooHa and Cousin Matt, tending to all my flowers. Good times.



Back to the green cup. I take it everywhere I go. It is an extension of my body. I liken it to a purse or a cell phone. Part of my wardrobe. SO I took my trusty green 32oz. cup and filled it 1/2 way with ice and added equalish parts Absolut Peppar Vodka and Mrs. T's Premium Bloody Mary Mix. 'Bout 2/3rds full. I took a bamboo shish-ka-bob skewer and loaded it with: Jalapeno Garlic stuffed green olives, Sun Dried Tomato stuffed green olives, Anchovie Stuffed green olives, Lewis River Pearl Onion stuffed green olives, St.Helens Smoked pickled garlic cloves and Siscillian Style garlic cloves, and an assortment of crunchy green beans and asparagus and 2 baby dill pickles. I topped it with 3 cranks of fresh coarse ground pepper and a swig of pickle juice ala Tilla Martila!This is his dog doing what my dog was supposed to do. Make herself useful.




So I thought I was going to watch Memoirs of a Geisha tonight but Matt put in Jarhead. It was O.K. nothing to write home about. I wonder if Marines are really like this. Fuckin' wack jobs...Then again war would probably make you a little "off".

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Support...the underwire of life.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.
I know it is hard to believe...but I have issues.
I have been batteling depression for awhile now and decided the measly dose of Fuckitol I have been taking is not cutting it. My Dr. agrees so we are going to fix that, but in the mean time I need something more.

Some extra support if you will.



So I bought a new bra.
Just kidding. I found a support group. It meets once a month, most members have P F, many have had transplants, all are very nice. It is run by a pulmonology physical therapist and I am going to start seeing her twice a week for "exercise". I call it torture. Whatev. They also have a nutritionist to help get me off my dinner diet.

I call it a dinner diet because that is all you eat. Dinner. Just dinner. The drawback is my body thinks it is starving and is holding on to the fat cells. Weird. Guess it makes sense. I'm supposed to eat 1000 calories a day, which is like, dinner. Supposedly this "nutritionist" is going to show me how to stretch those 1000 calories through an entire day. Crazy I know. We'll see how it goes, I'll be the blue girl in th corner, holding my breath.



Watched A History of Violence tonight. Good flick. Love me some Viggo Mortensen. Got Memoirs of a Geisha for tomorrow and Ice Harvest & Jarhead on the way. So I am going to be busy all weekend. Benchwarmers comes out tomorrow, I love David Spade. Such a weasel. Should be a kick ass excitment filled weekend of adventure and hijinks per usual...

Enforcer

The world is spiraling out of control.
Rules need to be made.
And enforced.

Here are a few that get my vote:

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water you pretentious pricks. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some Scotch over ice, let it melt. There's your flavored water.




New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much dudes care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, nuff said.



New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?



New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 10 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.



New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys & girls who have sex with their hot-ass teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky little bastards.



New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. You gotta be desperate go to that overpriced burnt coffee shit hole. But if you walk into a Starbucks and order "An Iced Triple Grande Sugar-Free Vanilla Breve Latte" ooh, you're a huge pretentious asshole.



New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "Beef with Broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant or positive...You're not spiritual. You're just a douche.



New Rule: Stop fucking with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time my grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.



I'm still thinking on this one and no, I didn't think 'em all up.
Some people find shit on the internet and claim it for their own.
At least I let you know I didn't shit all that out on myself.
(I hope somebody gets that.)
TeeHeHe.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Conspiracy...


It's a conspiracy against the spacialy challenged.
BULLSHIT I tell ya. OK yeah her song sucked, but whadda ya want, it was cuntry muzic night...

In all of history there has been 1 honest to goodness Black country music singer. Charlie Pride. So the cards were stacked against her from the begining. That may be a little racist, but I am bitter about the whole deal and I think they done her wrong. She was the prettiest girl on there inside and out. Yes, she had junk in her trunk, but she was the best damn female singer on that stupid show. Gorgeous skin, beautiful smile, sweet personality and an awesome voice to boot. She just had a big ol' butt. I think that is why she got the boot. Mark my words a dude is gonna win this year...but still, Mandisa should have gone further...her butt just got in the way.



OK, I might go to hell for that one. Sorry.
Speaking of fat girls...I have a funny story.

When I was in the hospital the first time my cousin the hairdresser came to visit me with her scissors. She cut my hair a wee bit shorter than I wanted but that was OK. I needed it. I was on 2000mg of steroids a day then and gained something like 60lbs...the majority of it in my face. Anywhoo, when I got out of prison, I mean the hospital, they put me on chemo. My hair thinned out quite a bit. I was B.S.ing with my sister and my cousin one day and we were talking about my recent loss (of hair) and I said "It's just not fair you guys. I gotta lose my hair on top of gaining this moon face." They say "Oh, it's not that bad etc. etc." and I reply,

"You just don't fuck with a fat girls hair...it's all she's got!"

OK I guess you had to have been there. It was funny.

CAT Scan


Had a CAT scan today.
No biggie. Although I think some of my brain cells have been scrambled a wee bit. I sent out a mass e-mail about my new blog to my peeps...and didn't include my friggin' address. HELLO. Now I get all these e-mails asking WTF. Might as well send out another.

Watched Idol tonight...'bout fell asleep during the show. BO-RING. I do like me a little cuntry music now and again but tonight was downright painful. Can't wait to see who gets the Cowboy boot tomorrow. Fukin Ace I hope. I hate pretty boys. We got enough cookie cutter boy bands. Time for something original. Thats why I want the Old Man to win. Taylor Hicks. He's younger than me but he's got salt & pepper hair so he is old. I think he is Joe Cocker's bastard son. Sounds like Michael McDonald and sways like Ray or Stevie...plus he plays a mean harmonica. Dude needs to win. Doubt he will cause the voters are all pre-pubescent...oh well.

Back to the Cat scan. I flunked it a few times, couldn't hold my breath like they asked me to. Then I freaked cuz I got these 3 little titanium staples in my left L ung from a biopsy I had 2 years back. Good times, it still hurts. Anywho, after the machine started I remembered those little guys and thought "Oh SHIT! They are gonna be ripped outta my side by the magnetic field of the Cat scanner thing!" False alarm...thats an MRI come to find out. Lucky me. I survived to eat a grilled chicken taco salad for lunch from the Original Taco House. Yes it is THE original...ask anyone from here, they'll tell ya. Had a salad for dinner too. Looks like I'm going vegetarian, except I eat meat on my salads...


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